The trouble with going overseas for an extended amount of time is that you are never really the same again. This is great in many ways; I certainly do not regret any of my travels or any of the lessons I have learned during and after them. Nonetheless, life is not any easier with or without acceptance of this fact. Of course, things get better with time, but you have your moments of "I don't think I belong here anymore."
Nothing spectacular or outrageous has happened to bring on these feelings, so I wondered why I was feeling kind of down lately. Then, I realized it has been 4 1/2 months since I've been back in the States. While the major transition stuff is over (nothing actually major in this transition), I have experienced re-orientation and now once again feel that longing of countries on the other side of the ocean... specifically Bulgaria right now. There's not an exact thing I'm missing, but I just miss it in entirety. (I did make myself a shopska salad for lunch today though to reminisce of Bulgarian days. It was delicious.) Of course, it is nice being able to communicate to almost everyone here, but as I said before, there's never really a permanent settlement once you are overseas for a longer period of time. Then again, even when overseas, there is still not any perfect peace because it's not your original culture. With all of the magnificence of travelling (and I truly do love it- don't get me wrong), you just kind of screw yourself over when you immerse yourself into a foreign culture and then return to your origins.
Such added longing to be away somewhere is further initiated by the pile of homework that must be accomplished this week. I am glad to be in school, but boy, I did not miss all of this. The homework will lessen a bit, but right now, it's kind of overwhelming.
To be reassuring, I am so glad to be in Kansas City. I feel this is where God has called me to be, and I have even found a church in which I can be a part. I am also just trying to get through this natural slump of "further down the road" re-entry.
2 comments:
Hey Cass-
Im glad you know this is normal- not feeling like you exactly belong here or there- I know I am not exactly a world traveler but anytime you want to talk I am here.
Cassie! I even still am struggling with it. You really do screw yourself over. I feel so torn between the people here and belonging there and here...I second your mom. Once you call her, you can call me :)
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