Why does growing up happen so fast?

It seems like just last week I was listening to the 30-45 minute long procession of fireworks in Sofia, Bulgaria. Yet, it's almost been an entire year, and I find myself at the brink of a new decade in Kansas City, Missouri. It's so weird to think of 20...10!!! How is it possible?

So many things have happened these last few months, but they've flown by so quickly I didn't take the time to document them. So as a recap: I've finished my first semester at NTS here in Kansas City. I am liking it much more than expected although I would enjoy it much more if I had some mula to spend in some cool places. However, there are several things to enjoy for free (or really cheap), and I've made some terrific friends that don't mind eating and enjoying time in someone's home.

I've also a new addition to the communal family... her name is Elli. She is my/our dog. Elli is a communal pet between me and two other friends who live down the road. The pay for whatever she needs, and I house her. It's a nice set up because they also come over and play with Elli when I get overwhelmed with her hyperness. Elli was a stray that a neighbor found, so we think she is around 18 months and a lab/border collie mix. She is adorable, and she has really enjoyed the many inches of snow we got over Christmas. My parents came out to KC since I had to work so close to the holiday. We had a great time, and it was wonderful to be with them even if only for a few days.

Again, I'm just stunned at how quickly time has flown by. This year's end was a bit more predictable than last year's, but who knows what this next year will bring. I'll still be in school, but hopefully I will find a fitting (good enough paying) job. And I am sure I will get myself into some adventures. So clinging onto these last few days, I thank God for 2009- its joys and tears, its high points and crap times. It's been a year of trials, lessons, and relaxation. I don't know what to entirely expect in this next year, but I'm optimistic and excited. Welcome 2010!!!

November, really?!?!

Somehow October is already over. I don't know how that really happened. Life has been filled with things to do, and most of that has been homework. Two weeks ago was R&R week (reading and research, let's not kid ourselves). While I had a little bit of fun, most of the time was spent doing reading and researching. So this last week has been a friend labelled R&R Hangover week. It really does fit the feeling of this last week where not much got done. :) I am hoping to be more motivated this week. I start my new job this week. It's nothing super exciting, but I will be working at Macy's for this season. It'll be a lot of EARLY mornings until January 17th. I'm still looking for a more permanent job, but I thank God completely for providing this job right now.

While October happened in a blink of an eye, it was packed with so much. School, new job, and other such things. Halloween was fun. I dressed up as Rosie the Riveter. :) And now, it's November. It's just crazy!

Never Really Home Again

The trouble with going overseas for an extended amount of time is that you are never really the same again. This is great in many ways; I certainly do not regret any of my travels or any of the lessons I have learned during and after them. Nonetheless, life is not any easier with or without acceptance of this fact. Of course, things get better with time, but you have your moments of "I don't think I belong here anymore."

Nothing spectacular or outrageous has happened to bring on these feelings, so I wondered why I was feeling kind of down lately. Then, I realized it has been 4 1/2 months since I've been back in the States. While the major transition stuff is over (nothing actually major in this transition), I have experienced re-orientation and now once again feel that longing of countries on the other side of the ocean... specifically Bulgaria right now. There's not an exact thing I'm missing, but I just miss it in entirety. (I did make myself a shopska salad for lunch today though to reminisce of Bulgarian days. It was delicious.) Of course, it is nice being able to communicate to almost everyone here, but as I said before, there's never really a permanent settlement once you are overseas for a longer period of time. Then again, even when overseas, there is still not any perfect peace because it's not your original culture. With all of the magnificence of travelling (and I truly do love it- don't get me wrong), you just kind of screw yourself over when you immerse yourself into a foreign culture and then return to your origins.

Such added longing to be away somewhere is further initiated by the pile of homework that must be accomplished this week. I am glad to be in school, but boy, I did not miss all of this. The homework will lessen a bit, but right now, it's kind of overwhelming.

To be reassuring, I am so glad to be in Kansas City. I feel this is where God has called me to be, and I have even found a church in which I can be a part. I am also just trying to get through this natural slump of "further down the road" re-entry.

Chicken in Falling Leaves

It’s still warm and sunny, but leaves are already falling off their branches. Pilar, my dog, is here in Kansas City with me, and every time I take her outside, I hear the crunch of leaves underneath my feet. It is one of my favorite sounds, and I will not lie- I go out of my way to step on fallen crunchy leaves. Sometimes a falling leaf scares Pilar while she is sniffing out a good spot on the grass though. :)

I’ve officially started the regular semester of grad school here at NTS. I am slowly getting used to it. It was kind of scary and very much overwhelming to move out here, but I am glad that I did. The main difference that catches me off guard after so many years of school (and even my two week module class) is that each of my classes only meets once a week. I have to train my brain that I don’t go back every day. This is quite nice in that I have more time to complete assignments, but it also leaves me with some extra time to find things to do. I am still looking for a job, so hopefully, some of this extra space in life will soon be filled with work that earns me money. On a happier note, I found a roommate. This means that I will no longer be alone talking to my dog. (We all do, admit it.) And it also means that rent and utilities will be that much cheaper. Yeah.

I did go out to hand out some resumes today. I didn't have a plan and figured I would just walk into stores and see if they were hiring. Well... I drove around some stores, but then I got really nervous and chicken out. This then led me to driving around in circles around various parts of the city. I gained some locational insights, and I also had no idea where I was much of the time. Obviously, I made it back. So now, I am going to make a plan of possible places to go. I hope that having a bit of a plan when thus empower me to park my car tomorrow. :)

Nothing else extraordinary has happened lately. However, due to the extraordinary help from some amazing friends of mine, I will be going to Idaho for Thanksgiving. These wonderful few days will be filled with lots of laughter and fun, and I most excited to see all of my Idaho-ans (and those also coming to visit that are not living in Idaho). :) Ya ya!

Missing Road Signs

Today was orientation day at NTS. It was a good ol' time, but I was definitely feeling overwhelmed with information and just regular anxieties of moving to a new place and starting school. Orientation included breakfast and lunch as it started at 8 am and ended a little after 2 pm. NTS seems to be overran by NNU-ers this year although there are several other colleges represented. I have high hopes for my time here although I know that greatly depends on how much I put myself out there.

Later this evening, I got an invite from some friends to have dessert at the Cheesecake Factory. I wasn't going to go for financial reasons but decided I needed to make a sacrifice in order to be social. I got directions and was on my way. As far as how I got there, let's just say that I returned home much more quickly compared to how long it took me to find the restaurant. I blame it on the fact that the first street I was supposed to turn right on was broken off. This mistake was followed by many others. I added to the situation by making u-turns in the form of going around several blocks rather than just turning around on the same street. I never got frustrated though; I was able to just laugh at myself and hope that the next street or the next turn would take me to where I needed to go. And so, I did eventually get there, and I had a good time. And now, I know the efficient way to get from the NTS-area to the Plaza. :)

I have always said that if there is a wrong turn to be made, I'll make it (at least once). But that's how I learn the roads. It also brings back memories of all of my outing adventures in Sofia. Oh man... it keeps me humble.

We drove through Kansas today, Todo

I began the day in Colorado, and I ended it in Missouri. Most of what happened in between we call Kansas. The drive wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. If I had to choose to drive through Kansas or Wyoming, I would definitely choose Kansas although driving through the state in the winter months may change my opinion.

I completed the 9ish hour drive by myself and several cds. My highlights of the drive were definitely the billboards. If I wasn't in such a rush to get to KCMO, I would have stopped to take pictures, but I have put it on my something to do in the future list. My highlights aren't listed in order of amazingness but rather in order as I saw them.

Highlight 1: World's Largest Prairie Dog along with the Russian boar.

Highlight 2: A picture of a wheat field with a rather large and disturbingly mis-proportioned head of Jesus popping out of the wheat next to the also large and disturbingly mis-proportioned hand raised and clenched with wheat. Only the head and hand were visible out of the otherwise normal looking wheat field.

Highlight 3: Several billboards of a glowing and well-primped Jesus with the caption of "I trust you, Jesus".

Yep. Someday I would like to stop and see the prairie dog and the five legged cow which I once heard was there. As for now, I will be busy trying to figure out how this new chapter of life will go. I am sure as I begin to navigate around the city I will again experience my awkward moments as I did in Bulgaria. At least this time I can ask for directions personally, and they can answer in the same language. :)

Credit goes to...

So a year ago today I was packing my bags and getting ready to leave for Bulgaria in the morning. Crazy!!! That was a year ago. I didn't know much then. I had two suitcases and one carry on of belongings. I knew the missionary family I would be joining in Sofia, but I didn't know where I was going to live or how long I'd live there. I had enough money to last me to March/April depending on how much I wanted to eat each month. Slava na boga because God provided my living expenses and so much more! I made some money at an international school that I gave some time to, but I don't really know how things worked out so well. It's just amazing when God stretches things out even when the numbers don't really add up. I was able to pay an outrageous amount of money for my visa (and deportation), stay until May, and had money left over which helped get me to General Assembly this last June. God is a miraculous provider, and I realized that I don't say it enough.

So now on this momentous day, I am getting ready to leave again. I'm not packing yet because I'm not sure when I'm actually going to move. I'm pretty much in the same boat I was a year ago in the sense that I'm not sure where I'm going to live or how I'm going to afford living anywhere. I haven't gotten all of those details, but I am registered for classes at NTS. So... I'm going. I have been freaking out a bit lately, and thoughts are still on my mind. However, I finally smarted up and gave all of it to God. I've been saying that I trust God and know things will work out, but I never actually surrendered all of my plans and such until a few days ago. Once I did, I finally felt that peace that is so beyond comprehension.

So I give God the credit, and I continue to ask for help as I move on to the next step. If you'd like to be a tool of God and you have connections in KC (housing or job wise), feel free to give me a call. :)
Oh, and I think I'd like to start up on a suggestion of a friend and call Kansas City "KFC"- as in Kansas freakin City. It's kind of catchy! ;)

Falling Apart at 23

So the next big anticipated birthday year is 30. There's a joke about that being the beginning of the end until, of course, when we turn 30, and then it moves to 40 and so on. Well, I think that my body has got a jump start and has begun to fall apart at the age of 23.

Now, some may say, Cassie, your problems began before your actual birthday. I say, "shut up," for none of this falling apart nonsense was reality until after I actually turned 23. Case #1: Three days after my birthday (back in May) I went to the dentist. I won't even tell you how many cavities they found. These (yes, shamefully plural) were my first ever cavities. I've now almost gotten over myself, but it was a sad day when it first occurred. Today, July 7th, was my first appointment to get some fixed, and then I have to go back for the others later this month. They like to different parts in different visits. Having half of my mouth completely numb was such an odd experience, and I was slightly embarrassed to go out in public. I didn't drool, but I did talk with half of my mouth. And for a while, I frequently bit my tongue as I talked.

All to say, being an "adult" kind of sucks, and yet I am looking forward to the rest of this year. I will be moving to KC in a month-ish. I don't have a place to live or a job yet, but I'm in the works. God has been more than amazing in providing for me especially this last year, so I'm trusting that God will again pull me through in whatever physical state I find myself. :)

Swing, swing

In my short transition summer, I now have a job. In fact, this last week was my first week of work. Through a referral of a close family, I am babysitting/nannying for two kids. They are 12 and 9, so it's not like I'm changing diapers all day. Still, it's not my ideal job, but it's something.

So my average day this week was: waking up at 6:15 am and then actually getting up at 6:30. Leave the house at 7:30 am. I usually arrive at their house around 8, and for the next several hours, I watch cartoons with them. We eat lunch around 11 am which is quite early, but since I am awake early, it evens out. Then we either go rollerskating or go to the park. The dad gets home around 3 pm or so, and then I go home. Overall... kind of boring.

On Thursday, the 12 year old did not want to join the 9 year old and me at the park. Figuring he's old enough to stay home, we left him behind and headed to a nearby park. I sat on the bench watching the 9 year old girl interact with some other kids there. Eventually, the kids relatively cleared out, and the girl I was watching was alone on one of these round seat twirly things. She needed someone to push her, so I closed the distance I had been safely keeping and went to push her on this swing-like contraption. Of course, I am an excellent swing pusher, and with the expression of vocal excitement, other kids realized how much fun this swing was too. A short line began. I thought I would push them for a while, and eventually, the kid I was with would get tired and leave. But she never left; she kept getting in line. And so began my professional career as a pusher of the swing. Fortunately, but after much time, there was a young little boy who didn't want to get off the swing. So I just announced that "I guess I couldn't push anyone else" and took the chance to leave.

So if nothing else works out in life, I now know that I can turn to professional swing pushing to make a living... if someone ever paid for that.

Back in America... and it's kind of awkward

So, I've been home for one week now. Weird.

My travels of Bulgaria are (momentarily) over, and I find myself not doing much of anything. I turned 23 which wasn't too exciting, but I ate some good foods that day. :) Overall though, this last week has been a time of relaxing and recovering with a few visits from friends.

The top two most asked questions are: how was your time in Bulgaria and how is culture shock. To answer... 1. My initial response is "good" which I know does not cover anything, but I am still trying to figure out the best way of articulating all the thoughts and memories racing through my head. I really do appreciate my time in Bulgaria these last 10 months. Nothing was outrageously difficult, but I had lots of reflections while reading books and learning about Eastern Europe. So my time back is now processing all of those reflections to see where they may lead. 2. I don't really know. I'm hoping that I can ease well enough back into America without any major incidents. I feel I am a bit more prepared because I know how I react to re-entry.

One surprising shock was the noise volume. It was not like Bulgaria was extraordinarily quiet, but I had created and lived in this quiet bubble. While walking the streets in Sofia, I never really understood much around me. Even if someone talked to me, I couldn't ever respond because my Bulgarian language skills are very minimal. And so my brain got used to a more personal bubble. Then, I entered the Chicago airport. There was so much noise, but there was also so much that I could understand. I knew what all these side conversations were about, and I was bombarded with all of the airport announcements. My brain just didn't know what to do with all of the information that it could actually process!!! It was overwhelming. :) I think I'm getting better, but I find myself easily distracted. :)

And so with my transitions, I am making some changes to this blog (whether you notice or not). I changed the name because I am no longer in Bulgaria to have moments. Now, I am just living... with awkward. I thought about Living in Friction, but I like this better. While life gets more difficult with new experiences and perspectives, I am trying to move beyond just pain and frustration; I have hope in God that brings me peace. Yet I still feel awkward as I don't really fit in the molds of society. I have all these ideals and dreams, yet I feel halted by reality at times. So I'm just awkward or rather trying to find my way through this awkwardness. I know there are others like me, so I embrace this awkwardness completely. I never expect it to go away completely which is just fine with me. :)

Changing Locations

So it is about 5 am (Bulgaria time). I have been awake for some time which would normally upset me, but I am leaving for Spain in just a few hours. I didn't mean to wake up so early, but I am so excited that I just couldn't sleep very long. :)

Not too much has happened these last 2 weeks. I've just been wrapping up projects and working at the international school. I've had some last minute good memories by myself and with friends. However, I don't really have time to get into it now.

I'll be leaving for Spain in 3 1/2 hours!!! and for America in 3 days! I just can't believe how fast time has gone. As I'm getting over jetlag and processing these last 10 months, I will continue to post thoughts here. I just wanted to take this (early) moment to say goodbye to Sofia and the rest of Bulgaria. It's been a great experience, and while I'm excited for what is ahead, I am sad to be leaving.

Until next time...

Blending

Blending into the crowd is a handy tool when visiting/living in a foreign country. Somehow I am miraculously able to do such a thing; I give credit to my dark hair. I am able to get around Sofia without bringing any extra attention to myself. It is kind of nice to not have a "tourist" or "American" sign flashing above my head.

However, this tool would be even better if I could speak the language. Since I do not speak much beyond 4 worded sentences and since I have a terrible time understanding a Bulgarian unless they speak very simply and very slowly, this handy tool turns into a story maker. Having a story making tool is funny... for stories, and it is awkward during the situation. Most occurrences are at the bus stop or on the bus. I am able to answer once in a while, but when people start rambling to me, I have to shrug my shoulders and say "govora bulgarski malko". Then, the stranger usually just smiles at me (sometimes chuckles) and moves on to ask someone else. There have been so many times in these last 9 1/2 months where people assume I'm Bulgarian.

Today, on my day off of school and work, I enjoyed the nicely warm day walking around the center doing the tourist-y thing of buying souvenirs and taking some photos. I knew that I wouldn't blend as nicely, and I practiced my Bulgarian a little. However, it is still nice to not automatically be assumed for what you are. :) One lady in asking where I was from/ what I spoke guessed Russian and Spanish before I said American. I guess it is just comforting because I am removed from the stereotypical American tourist; I am able to be the better blending in American tourist/volunteer. :) It's also a very different experience than my time in Uganda where it was literally impossible to blend in. Then, people blatantly stared at me (the white one), and now, people talk in another language to me. The first was more awkward, but the second is still worth commenting. :)

Counting down...

I am normally a person who hates countdowns. I just really feel that counting down the days to some future date truly cuts the value in the present. Of course, there are a few exceptions of things that really are important, but on the whole, I really hate countdowns.

Yet, I find myself doing such.

Two weeks today, I'll be heading out to Madrid, Spain, to spend some quick quality time with some good ol' friends. I am more than excited about this trip. I've never been to Spain, and it's been forever since I've seen my pals Kate and Astin. I'll only be there for 2 1/2 days, but it'll be totally worth it. I'm sure that we can cram in a whole bunch of cultural experiences within that time. :)

Two weeks and 3 days from today, I'll be heading back to America. I have a layover in Dublin and Chicago, and then I'll be in Colorado Springs. I greatly miss my parents and friends, so I am overjoyed at the thought of seeing them. I will also be spending my first full day in America turning 23. I'm hoping not to be completely jetlagged that I miss being utterly spoiled on the occasion. ;)

With all of this excitement, I truly am trying not to "countdown." I have so much enjoyed my time in Bulgaria. I am already sad with the thoughts of leaving this place and these people. Coming and volunteering here has been so great, so I'm trying not to miss out on these last few moments. I'm also clinging onto these days because (I'll be honest) I'm kind of scared to go back to America. I certainly didn't transition well when I came back from Africa. Although there will be obvious differences in trying to transition back from Bulgaria (compared to Uganda), I'm still praying a lot that things will be ok. I'm just not sure what to expect. I also have a lot to go back to. I'll be in Colorado for the summer, but then I start school (again) in the fall in Kansas City. That means I need to find a place to live and a job to earn money. Yikes, is this "real life"?

So with happiness and fear in my pockets, here I go with 2 more weeks...

Holy Week Happenings

So on this part of the globe, Protestants celebrate Holy Week and Easter according to the Orthodox calendar which is one week after the Western Church's calendar. Thus, yesterday was Easter.

This last week has been crazy and good. I spent my time in Razgrad for a TE class which I believe I mentioned was being taught by a NNU prof, Mark Maddix. I didn't do too much at the beginning of the week except work on some projects and walk muchos many mnogo kilometers around Razgrad (and Razgrad isn't big). I spent a lot of the day time hours with one of the students. Her name was Alexandra, and she was from Romania. We were around the same age, so we had fun talking and walking. On Thursday, I did go to Varna. I've been there once before with a Work and Witness team, but my camera got locked in the hotel room with the room keys. So this time I got to take pictures. :) It was also Maundy Thursday which was just an awesome experience in Razgrad. I've never been to a Maundy Thursday service before although I don't think other churches have services like this one. Before the service, we all dressed in "Biblical" clothes. They were like the robes that most churches have for Bible plays and such, but there was also the occasion funky tassles and animal prints. We then had a delicious dinner together of lamb, rice, and salad along with other goodies spread across the long table. We also sang songs and had people talk. Then, the ladies went to one room, and the men went to another for footwashing. Now, I'd walked all day, so my feet weren't exactly in their best condition which just made the experience so much more humbling. First, we prayed together. Then, you wash their feet, and then you pray together again. Then, when your feet are washed, another person comes, and you wash their feet. So it all goes in a large circle of people. It was just amazing. I have experience footwashings before, but each time it is always something new. I did not feel worthy to have my feet washed by this Bulgarian lady, and yet she did so with such care and love. And her prayers (although in Bulgarian) truly touched me. We then all got together again for communion. Just amazing. Good Friday was another good service of songs and Scripture. This, of course, was much more somber and such a contrast compared to the previous night's service.

In these two days, I had several reflective moments. On Thursday, for perhaps the first real time, I thought about what Jesus experienced in the Garden of Gethsemane. It often gets brushed over as a time where Jesus reached out to God, praying in anguish, and still obeying God's will. However, there emphasis is on the obedience- of doing it right. This time, however, I was comforted by Jesus' fear and questioning. So many times I'm scared and unsure of the future. I continue in what I believe I'm called to do, but I lack confidence in myself because I'm so unsure. And yet I know that Jesus was also scared; he knows (and to a much great degree) about my fear, my uncertainty. With that knowledge and God's strength, I can still continue on. Through Christ, anything is possible. Another thought is about going back to the States. As the weeks dwindle down, I get more and more excited to see friends and family. I only have 4 weeks today when I'll be in Colorado which means just a few days less than that when I leave Bulgaria. I am a person who tries to enjoy the present. I hate countdowns because it cheats the value of the present. Yet I find myself doing just that- counting down. I truly love my time here in Bulgaria, but I am so anxious to be home. And then on Friday, I was reminded of how difficult it will be to leave. I had to say some goodbyes, and my heart was grieved.

This post is lengthy already, but you can't stop at Christ's death. :)

So, on Saturday, Maddix and I caught a bus back to Sofia. We met up with Joe, another volunteer here and toured the center of Sofia. Again, there was much walking, but it was fun. We had decided to attend the night service for Easter at Alexander Nevsky Cathedral. We had to be creative with our time since it started later than we thought, but it was a good experience. I would like to experience a smaller setting though (next time). ;) Anyway, around 11:30 pm, the service started. My height limited my view, but the choir that sang was just incredible. People talked everywhere, but it was more the constant picture taking of tourists that bothered me. You aren't allowed to take pictures inside the cathedral in the day, so you shouldn't at night either. I've taken pictures inside of Protestant churches, but even then, I feel awkward. I just like to try and truly experience the moment of the service rather than try and capture it. Anyway, I suppose I had imagined this great spiritual event of the night; it didn't happen like that. However, it was cool to be a part of the passing of the flame from candle to candle. It was also amazing to be walking outside and just seeing everyone with candles. Hundreds of people at the church and many more on their way home. So symbolic!

SunDAY of Easter after Joe and I dropped of Maddix at the airport, we caught a bus to a friend's villa. She and her family have a place south of Sofia in a village called Sheroki Dol. We found the bus at the south bus station and even explained to the driver that we wanted to stop before the final stop. However, due to his forgetfulness and our lack of knowledge, we missed the village intersection and ended at the final stop. It was only 5 minutes away, but it brought another adventure that involved passing the phone off to a stranger (which if you remember I have done before). :) All worked out and I had an awesome time. Lunch was again rice and salad, but this time it was goat for the meat. There was also the head which a cousin of the host finds to be a particularly tasty delicacy. The whole experience was just wonderful, and I'm so glad that I was able to spend Easter with so many people. It was also a cultural experience, for even though everyone there understood and spoke English, they most often spoke in French and Bulgarian which gave wonderful sounds in the kitchen and around the dining table.

Short Report

So we are already half way through April. Crazy! I haven't blogged in a while. There are so many things that I need to catch up on although I'd like to save some time for Romania's stories. As for right now, I'm in Razgrad "hosting" a course on Christian Education. (I say "hosting" because I'm not entirely sure what I should be doing.) :) Mark Maddix is here from good ol NNU teaching the course. There are about 14 students taking the week long class.

It's a crazy week though. You may or may not know that the Orthodox Church follows a different calendar than the Western Church. Well, in this part of the world, even the Protestant Church follows along the Orthodox calendar. Therefore, while you all were celebrating Easter, we celebrated Palm Sunday. And while you all are eating your chocolate bunnies, we are in holy week. I am excited to be here in Razgrad for this week, for the church will have a Maundy Thursday service. They are also having a good Friday service. Unfortunately, I have to take Maddix back to Sofia on Saturday, so I'll be in Sofia on Easter. But, I am in the working plans of going to an Orthodox Easter service on Saturday night. It will be most exciting.

That's all I've got to say for now. I don't have the lack of stories, but I'm just not in the story telling mood. Sorry. I'll be better next time. But I did want to take time to let you know where I was, and in just 5 short weeks I'll be back in the Mountain Time Zone.

Pretend It Was a Week Ago

So over a week ago, I went to Kosovo over the weekend. I wrote about the excitements that occurred the morning of our trip, but I never got around to actually writing about my time there. So now I am.

It was Friday, March 13th when Teanna, all four of the Sunberg girls, and I headed out to Kosovo. We got an early start since school was cancelled because of the bomb threat. Earlier in the week, Teanna bought a GPS. At the beginning of the trip, the girls decided to call it Penelope. Penelope is wonderful; she got us from Sofia to Skopje, Macedonia, (and back home) without incident (miracle!). We met up with some friends at a McDonald's for dinner and then followed them the rest of the way to Prishtina, Kosovo.

Another miracle... no problems at any borders. :)

So while we were at a red light in Skopje, I was teaching Lexi the fast food restaurant song (with the motions, of course). That apparently caught the attention of the guy in the next car beause he was very much staring at me. Then, he told his friend. I continued on not embarrassed at all and even laughing with Teanna about it.

On Saturday, we drove to Surheka which was about an hour away. We attended a church service there, and then joined some people for lunch. It was a wonderful day spent with wonderful people. The landscape on the drive was also gorgeous. That night the adults stayed up late and talked. We had some ridiculous moments of very random topics, but we also got into some heavier stuff. One such topic was the history of Kosovo.

The tension of this region began hundreds of years ago under the Ottoman Empire. Things shifted at the end of the 1800s and especially after the World Wars. (Now, let me explain that Kosovars are Albanian in heritage.) A lot of the countries were swooped into Yugoslavia, and Kosovo was just one district under Serbia. During the big communist era under the USSR, the leader of the country kept things pretty well together by playing various sides. However, when he died, people began crying out for independence. Around 1981, Kosovo wa peacefully resisting Serbia's control, but Serbia ignored them. Over the next 10 years, people became restless, and a small guerilla army formed. They used violence to voice their opinion. In the late 1990s, Serbia pushed back with a mighty force. Many people fled, but so many others were killed in the attacks, for it is difficult to find guerilla participants in small villages.

Imir, a Kosovar we stayed with during our visit, was 14 years old when Serbia's attacks began. While he never saw dead bodies, he heard bombs fall near his house, and his house was actually burned down 3 days after they fled. It is amazing to hear God's grace in Imir's life. As his family fled, he came across parts of the Bible, and he fell in love with Jesus. After several months as a refugee, Imir and his family returned to Kosovo. There, Imir heard of a church (the Nazarene Church) was helping people. He went to get physical assistance but also to learn more about Jesus. These events and more surely illustrate the power of God's prevenient grace. Furthermore, (I'm not sure how long ago) Imir and an American friend were walking home (but I think they were on the Serbian side or something). A Serbian guard stopped them and asked for ID. When the group of guards found out Imir was Kosovar, they began to beat him. Somehow he escaped and with his friend began running. When they crossed the bridge into Kosovo, Imir fell shaking, and the first words out of his mouth were "Father, forgive them."

It is absolutely incredible. I am amazed at God's presence and grace in Imir's life and so many others. I wish I could have heard more stories in my visit. As for Kosovo, the UN is also very much present. Kosovo claimed their independence in February 2008. They are recognized by America and many countries in the EU. However, several countries including Serbia and Russia (and the EU's official position) do not recognize Kosovo as a legitimate independent country.

It is amazing to have been in a place that is just beginning to gain an identity. And it is incredible to see how God is at work in it all.

Herding Cats

What I expected to happen on Friday, March 13th:
I was asked on Wednesday if I would sub for 3rd grade. Of course, I agreed, but I was nervous. Third grade is a bigger class and has some kids that need more attention. I prayed a lot for the day. I got to school early and looked through all the notes and papers to make sure I knew where everything was at and such. I expected it to be a normal Friday.

What happened:
Around 10 minutes before school was to even start, most of my kids were in class playing. Then Miss Greta, the 4th grade teacher, came in and very quietly told me there was a bomb in the building, so we needed to evacuate. I was in disbelief but remained calm as I told the kids to get their jackets on because there was a "drill." We got lined up and filled outside in a relative order. To have 15 third graders stand in the same area for an extended amount of time is like herding cats- just as you get a few settled others start spreading. Eventually, 3rd - 5th grade went further away from the building to play.

I talked to the 5th grade teacher and got some more info as police were now checking the building. Although I don't think the info is completely confirmed, apparently a dad of 2 students had an attempt on his life. Since it did not succeed, there were threats against his kids. They were picked up rather quickly.

Ultimately, they decided to cancel school because the building was put on lock down for 24 hours. That meant that no one could go back in for their belongings. (This was a great stress for many of the students but also for me since all of my things for my trip to Kosovo were upstairs... including my passport.) So we called all the parents and got kids either picked up or sent home on the bus after having stood outside for over an hour and a half without having had one minute of class.

For a while I didn't think I was going to get my stuff since we weren't allowed to enter the building. This was most frustrating considering the fact that I finally got my visa last week and then I'd might miss my trip to Kosovo because my passport was in a locked down building. Fortunately for me, one of the administrators was inside. He was grabbing things for teachers, so he grabbed my bags. (I had a great time in Kosovo, but I'll save that for the next post.) :)

By the time I left, they had reported that there were no bombs on our floor of the building. The police were still checking the others. (And they didn't find any later in the day.) School resumed today, Monday, as normal although I'm sure there were several lunches that did not do well during the weekend since they were left in backpacks in rooms. The whole things seems a bit surreal. However, it is an international school with students whose parents are ambassadors, imporant business people, and possibly also some with ties to the mafia. So... it's possible.

I don't know if I'll sub for 3rd grade again, but if I do, hopefully, I'll do more than "herd" them outside for a while.

and now hopefully this particular saga is finished

Slava na boga! (translated: Praise be to God) I have my visa now.

After three trips, I am now legally residing in Sofia, Bulgaria, again. So a trip down memory lane...

Trip 1: Jay, Magda (the accountant), Joe, and I prepped all of our documents and drove down to Thessaloniki. I was dragged around Ikea for what seemed eternity, but we had a good dinner at Bennigan's. However, the next day the embassy guy said we didn't have the letter and signature from the right minister of some important department. (Failure #1)

Trip 2: This time Jay and I flew to Thessaloniki because I was pretty much rejected entry to Bulgaria and deported away. Joe and Zahari (the lawyer) met us down there the next day. We paid a lot of money for all "fees," and then we waited. No Ikea, thank goodness, but we walked through the mall a lot, saw a movie, and had a good dinner at TGIFriday's. However, I was so tense from such a traumatic experience, that I wasn't able to enjoy much. Things worked out with Zahari, and we got our "visa applied" stamp in our passport. (Almost success)

Between trips, I resided slightly less than legally in Bulgaria. I couldn't travel anywhere because there was the risk that I couldn't get back in. Lots of jokes were made, and I forever have the title of deported refugee which Lexi still likes to call me. :)

Trip #3: Joe and I joined Zahari and his cousin for a final trip to Thessaloniki. We were told the visas were ready, so I wasn't worried about another failure. However, I do have a new fear of borders, so I was not completely looking forward to the trip. We made it to Greece just fine and with a few hours of daylight left. I took the chance to take pictures around Thessaloniki (which are all located on my Facebook). Enjoyed a good dinner at TGIFriday's again, and I had a breakfast chai tea latte and crescent from Starbucks. (I'm including my fat kid food comments for you, Danielle ;D) I thought this would be the time I actually went into the embassy, but as last time, we just met the Counselate at a cafe and gave him our passports. Joe, Zahari's counsin, and I waited in the car. After a while, Zahari came back with our passports and our visas inside!!! (Success at last!)

This last trip wasn't completely smooth though. You see, when we left for Turkey last November, I made it out of the border (at the airport) just fine; it was getting back in that I had problems. However, while Joe got back in just fine, he got written a report/fine when he was leaving. He never got the fine the multiple times he came back in, so we just kind of hoped for the best from now on. Well... coming back in this time, they got him. They said they wouldn't let him back in until he paid the fine. While it was a couple hundred leva, it was much less than what Zahari thought it would cost. We got it paid and went on our way.

And now hopefully this particular saga is truly finished although now I will probably get sweaty palms and a quick heart beat every time I go through borders. :) And even though I have my visa, I'll probably be very nervous when leaving from the Sofia airport.

(Pictures posted are: 1. Me, 2. the White Tower, 3. (on the left) part of the Orthodox Church in Thessaloniki, and 4. possible marketplace ruins where Paul may have preached to the Thessalonians.)

Systems

It is amazing to me that with all of the years I spent in education I really didn't learn that much. Furthermore, I'm often disgusted at how one-sided Western education tends to be. With that said, I'd really appreciate it if some really smart economic-minded person would come up with a new system because the ones we have right now are just crap. I understand that there are pros to each system whether they are found in theory or practice. So, let me explain my issue with the extreme systems of communism and capitalism.

Growing up in the Western world, I was taught that communism was bad, but now it's dead. Well, actually, it's not dead, and no one said why it was so bad. A person may say that if it's not good in practice then it's not a good theory, and I'd agree. However, I believe IN THEORY, the idea of communism may be more Christian. Now, before it sounds like I've really gone off the deep end, let me continue. The idea of communism is equality, no classes. The idea is that we think of others before ourselves. Yet, here's the problem- it doesn't work out that way. In our fallen world, selfishness takes over, and the top people reap the cream. There have been so many stories that I've heard and read about the atrocities of communism. I believe the reason is that communism in Eastern Europe did not run on the hope of equality; rather, it ran on the fear and distrust of the people which is why it did not last in this part of the world. For so many, it has truly ruined them in more than one way.

So, while communism has failed the people, I also struggle with capitalism. Now, capitalism has that "pull from the boot straps" mentality, so some people truly thrive on such a system. However, so many people are left behind. Of course, there are those that don't try "hard enough," but even within the system, people are let down, or rather pushed down, in order for the success of another person to continue. My even larger problem is on the larger scale. We are so concerned with how we are affected that we miss how others are being affected. Countries, as a whole, suffer because they cannot compete with larger, riches countries and corporations. Yet, that is how capitalism works- "I do what I need to do to survive and succeed." But, that's not Biblical. In both the Old and New Testament, there are lessons in love. There are lessons on reaching out and enabling the outcasts, the poor. Yet, in capitalism, they are the stones to be stepped on.

So where is the balance on this fine line within these vicious cycles? I don't know. I certainly do not support communism, but I continue to struggle with capitalism as well. That is why I'd like someone to come up with a new system. It would be a system of hope and equality. It would be a system where we can thrive without costing another. And, it would be a system of enabling. I feel that is really the large piece missing after all. In communism, people are made to be dependent- forever ruining their abilities. And in capitalism, while some don't try, others simply do not have the means to succeed. We need to educate and enable people in order to break some of these cycles, find the right balance, and build a new system.

Maybe this is too idealistic, yet I find no reason to settle for what is as permanent. As a professor once suggested to me, "Just because things are the way they are doesn't mean that's how they should be" ... or have to be.

Fancy Chairs

So one of my favorite stores in any mall is that store with the back massagers out on display waiting for you to use them. The best stores are the ones with not only the handle kind of massagers but also the chair massagers with different setting and focuses.

Here's a leap, but it will connect.

Today, I was riding the bus from my apartment to the Sunbergs' house. Now, there are some nicer buses, and there are the less than nice buses. Usually on Bus 88s, they are the crappier ones, but there is this one nice green 88 bus that actually has heat. I got to ride this one today. Now, even on the nice buses, when the bus is stopped, there are strong vibrations that shake you while you are seated. Some bus shakiness feels like it will fall apart soon, and others just have a large motor. And so if you are in a decent seat whether on a good bus or not so good bus and the bus is a nice kind shaky, you have moments at various stoplights of relaxation. For, if you pause and perhaps even close your eyes, those few moments at the red light are like having a personal massage chair.

Other times it can be scary to ride the bus or overcrowded or smelly or whatever, but a lot of the time I enjoy public trans because I just zone out and ride. And today's ride was particularly enjoyable because I was warm and (every now and then) given a gentle back massage. :D

Reading before Returning

This week I bought my tickets back to America. And since I have two lovely friends teaching in Spain, I am more than excited to be making a weekend stop in Madrid on my way back home. I am leaving a week earlier than I've been planning. So I'll actually be home for my birthday. (I get into CO on May 18th.) Having my bday in America is a little disappointing since I've been living abroad, but it'll be nice to be with my fam and friends on the day I turn 23.

With the excitement of seeing friends and family, I'm also really sad about leaving Bulgaria. The things that I have done here have been quite different than I expected. However, I have loved almost all of my experiences here. (Deportation is one I could have done without. ;D) And as one who hates countdowns, I am going to try and enjoy each day that I have left.

Outside of the things that I have done here, one of the joys I have been able to partake in (because I'm no longer in school) has been reading. 1. I am actually finishing books which is something I can't completely claim to have always happened the last 4 years. :) 2. I am reading books of my choice rather than from a long list on a syllabus.

Some books have been challenging reads that deal with theology and life. I have greatly loved those. And some have just been for fun such as books by Francine Rivers. The last book I read was The Count of Monte Cristo. While I love the newer movie, the book is so much better because it is filled with so much more detail and plots. It also ends completely different that I expected. My current read is Wicked. It is different than I expected, but I am enjoying it. I have a feeling that there will be some themes there that will get me thinking.

I've read so many books these last few months, and I know this type of reading will slow as I return to the States. While I'll be in CO during the summer months to catch up with friends and family (and hopefully make some money somehow), I'll be going to NTS to get my master's in Intercultural Studies in the fall. I'll move to Kansas City early August and hopefully find a good apartment and a decent job. While I'm excited to be in a learning environment again (I like to be around smart people and absorb information from them- I know, I'm a HUGE nerd), I'm a little hesitant on the homework and such part. Oh well... :)

Angels vs. Demon Assassins

Those are the two teams that represented the two teams in a 3rd grade spelling game. In case you weren't sure, the teams were boys vs. girls. :) The girls' team chose their name first with their teacher. I was helping the boys. They couldn't decide between demons and assassins, so I figured together would be a good name. (They are a riot.) :) The third grade class is also a great self-esteem boosting group. Every time you enter the class students stand up and greet you. However, whenever I go into the 3rd grade room, they get all excited and enthusiastically say hello to me as one big group. They might not do that for so long, but it's nice right now. :)

Last week was the beginning of a new semester at the international school I am volunteering at which also means it was the first week of my new schedule. I was feeling a bit trapped in the international school bubble. I also was getting tired of going to the same place everyday Monday through Friday. I didn't feel very useful in what I did and wanted to do other projects but couldn't because of the time requirement I was already in. So, I spoke up and changed it.

Now, I'm going to the school twice a week- Wednesdays and Fridays. Because I'll only be there twice, I won't be doing anymore ESL classes there. I still have my 6th grade class but will only teach typing on those two days. My main job is basically being a teacher's aid for 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade. Those three teachers happen to all be Bulgarian women, so they often like for me to speak to the class so that the students can hear English from a native speaker.

Being a teacher's aid may not sound that exciting, but I enjoyed it the last two days I was there mostly because I feel that I am actually contributing in some way rather than floating in and out. Depending on the class and the time of day, I may grade papers or teach a subject such as history, health, and spelling. Also, with my free time, I am now able to do other projects. I'll be working with the Sunbergs on some projects they have which will be fun. I'm also hoping to become involved in a village that's about an hour and a half from Sofia.

Living History... and it's cold

I think back in the not so distant past when I was in America watching the news. Of course, I'd be saddened and upset about what I saw, but when I turned the tv off or closed the window on my computer, it was gone. It might come up in conversation, but the events that happened "over there" did not directly, or even often indirectly, affect me "here." Now, I find myself in Eastern Europe very much affected by what is being reported on the news. Let me explain...

(As you may have been hearing...) For years, things have been happening between Russia and other countries. A lot of these incidences have been swept under the rug or quickly patched up... until now. While the problem between Russia and Ukraine is commercial, there are very much political grudges involved. Simply talking in the commercial terms, Ukraine has not paid all of its bills to Russia; Ukraine knows this. However, the dispute is how much is owed. Ukraine claims Russia is raising the number higher than previously negotiated. So ultimately, Russia turns off the gas that runs through Ukraine's pipes (which gives Ukraine heat and money). Bickering is now going back and forth as each country blames the other for the hindrance in solving the problem. Ukraine says Russia keeps the gas off, but Russia says that Ukraine won't let the gas pass the border.

In America, I would just shake my head. In Bulgaria, I still shake my head, but I do so in a colder environment. You see, when Russia turned off the gas, they did not just affect Ukraine. They affected most of Eastern Europe and even some of Western Europe. In much of Eastern Europe, offices, schools, and homes are heated by gas FROM RUSSIA. In fact, according to CNN, in many Eastern European countries (including Bulgaria), 90-100% of such buildings do not have heat because of the dispute between Russia and Ukraine. Now, my apartment has electric heaters in each room, but the families of that 90-100% statistic are struggling to stay warm in this cold winter as just this last weekend temperatures dropped below 0 degrees Celsius.

It is different hearing about the news when it so greatly affects you. The connection came even more clearly when I found out that the school where I volunteer is heated by gas... from Russia... which means no heat. Now, each classroom has electric heaters, but the hallways (which is where I have my ESL classes) are freezing. Furthermore, the building itself is kind of crappy, for when all the heaters are on high and all the lights are on, the system breaks. Therefore, the school must be run without some lights and medium heat.

So Russia, Ukraine, and the EU need to get it together not because of my heat or even this one international school's heat but for all the European families who are having it so much worse.

One Week In

It's a week into 2009, and I find myself reflecting on this last year and wondering what the next year will bring. First reflection:

The big events of 2008... 1. I graduated from college and 2. I moved to Southeastern Europe to volunteer in Sofia Bulgaria.
Within that... 1. I had to leave all my dear friends, 2. I am no longer a dependent which means I am also no longer under my parents' insurance, 3. I'm learning (or trying to learn) a new language with a different alphabet, and 4. I've been a deported refugee. :)

It's crazy to think about where I was at the beginning of 2008 and where I find myself at the end of it. I had an idea (or rather a hope) for what 2008 would hold for me, and while I am more than content with my situation, I certainly have been surprised to see how things have progressed down this journey of life.

Now looking ahead: 1. a choir from ENC is here in Bulgaria. They'll be touring around the area until Monday when they'll head on to Romania. I am excited that they are finally here (they got in this afternoon) because of all the anticipation created by preparing for their arrival and stay. 2. My schedule will change in 2 weeks. I've been assisting at an international school Monday through Friday, but I've really been wanting to get involved in other projects. So, I'll be changing my schedule so that I will only be going 2 days a week. There are several ways I can help the Sunbergs as well as start my own projects. We'll see how time allows opportunities.

So here I go into 2009!!! I didn't really make any New Year's resolutions. I hate the feeling of disappointment when I've already failed my resolution one week into the new year, so I will simply try my best in everything... as best I can. :) One resolution though would be to pray more including simple prayers at meals. (How busy am I really to not take the time to bless my meal? I'm not.) I've kind of lost this, and I want it back in order to reach out and connect with God in ways I've forgotten and now longingly miss.