Blurry-Eyed and Hunting

I did not realize that my last post was in August. I suppose that clearly illustrates how insane last semester was. I was working about 20 hours a week at the pharmacy, taking a full load of classes, and doing an internship another 20 hours a week. I am a crazy woman. I wasn't sure I was going to make it near the end, but everything was completed on time and in relatively good shape. :)

I am certainly glad that I have a bit of a break before the next semester starts. Although I will be honest, I am quite nervous that as quickly as last semester went this semester will be even faster. Don't get me wrong, I am overly ecstatic about the fact that I will be graduating in May (with one summer class to take to "actually" graduate). But then there's the realization that I may actually be growing up or perhaps dare I even say that I have... grown up. Frightening yet exciting yet terrifying yet awesome. It's a mix of emotions, obviously.

So here I am at the beginning of 2011 wondering where the last 5 months went as well as knowing that the next 5 will be equally insane. I guess I live on the thrill. And with that thrill I am so thankful to be in Kansas City. I love it here. While it hasn't always been easy for various bumps in the road, I am grateful for where I am in life.

And so I venture into 2011 trusting God with the "after a little over 5 months" part. I have no idea what I will be doing or even where I will be. I am open to all opportunities in any location. I plan on staying State-side until I pay off my school loans though. But if you know of any church positions open ( in the areas of community development/compassionate ministries or even associate pastor) or rich people wanting to help a poor ministry-oriented female with the heavy weight of education loans... let me know. ;) Seriously though, let me know.

Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead

I remember when I first saw Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead. It is a 90s classic. Mom leaves her kids for the summer with a super old lady babysitter who dies shortly after the mom leaves. So, as the heroine, Christina Applegate goes and finds a job, becomes successful, and fools everyone until her mom comes home and busts the party.

Well, I think of that movie often at work. Here's why.

I had never used a fax machine before my current job. I didn't realize how much they are still used in some areas. So when the pharmacist asked me to send something for the first time, I was a little confused at what to do. All I could think of was Christina Applegate in the office jamming the machine and not sending anything through the fax. Well, it turned out to be quite simple, and I've gotten the hang of it now. But still, each time I use the fax machine I: 1) fear that I am going to jam the machine and 2) laugh at how awesome that movie is.

Zzzzz...

While I do not believe that someone was trying to plant an idea into my brain while I was dreaming, I have recently experienced an Inception-like occurrence of dream within a dream. (Loved that movie, bytheway.)

It has happened once, maybe twice, before in my whole life of dreams that I actually remember the next morning.

So Friday night, I was hanging out with my friend Katie at her house. We were just eating pizza and watching ridiculously funny tv. Eventually, I went home because I had to work the next morning. At some point between Friday and Saturday, I had a dream. The details are fuzzy now, but it involved some kind of hiding/chasing theme. It wasn't scary, but I'm pretty sure when placed in reality it wouldn't make much sense. So then, I wake up from the dream (or so I thought). I vividly remember feeling like I woke up at my friend Katie's house. I could see her ceiling and then living room as I got up from the couch. I remember thinking "what?! I thought I went home last night. I guess I actually did fall asleep when I laid down on her couch." I was confused because that meant that I had dreamed about going home and then also had this other weird dream. Eventually, I walked to the window to look at my place just down the street. While the street is straight in "real life," it was curved in my dream (something I didn't notice at the time) so I had trouble actually seeing my house. But as I went to leave, I woke up... again, for real (or so I believe) ;)

It's just kind of bizarre when you wake up in a dream to only be in another dream, but you don't know you are in a dream until you actually wake up... again. You then begin to second-guess your dreams... was that a dream or a memory? Did that really happen or am I just making it up? I have crazy dreams all the time, but the dream inside a dream ones are pretty awesome crazy.

Friday Nights in KC

Last Friday I was over at a friend's house when her roommate came out of her room needing to go to the ER. (She is ok now- the suspense of the story is not on her recovered illness. :] ) So I accompanied my friends to the nearest hospital which is just five blocks from our house.

... Now I live on the "other side of the tracks." Although I have never felt unsafe, I acknowledge the ghetto and "activities" that do occur...

We arrived at the ER at Research Hospital around 9:15 pm. They triaged our friend and took her in within an hour of our arrival. That left my friend Hannah and I to entertain ourselves in the lobby. We caught up on life since both of us had been ridiculously busy during the summer. After 2 hours, we started to get tired and bored. We wish we had the ice cream in my freezer and the popcorn in her pantry.

However, at about 11:30pm or so, entertainment arrived. This large group of girls came in, and one of them had a real bloody knee. We never got to see the wound, and we couldn't quite get the story pieced together. Nevertheless, this group was amusing. They talked loud, so our reactions weren't awkward or rude. The injured girl's mom was also there as well as this older guy who we never could figure out his relationship with the group. He was the one who talked the most to Hannah and me. They discussed vaguely how she hurt herself (they were at a club, and she was sitting down is all I got), and they were making fun of her and how she'd cover up the scar. Her mom sarcastically added that she could just get another tattoo.

As that group came in and got settled another young girl showed up. She looked maybe 16, and I thought she was with this larger group. She stayed a little to the side and bent over one of the chairs as she held onto a grocery bag. Hannah and I discovered she was not with the group when the girls started asking why she was here. It turns out that she was having a miscarriage, and then it was announced that she had the approximately 2 month old fetus in the grocery bag. Both Hannah's and my jaws dropped. While that fact grieved us, we were a little more disturbed by the fact that a few of the girls and this crazy guy sitting next to us went to go look at it! We refused the offer, but they still informed us of what it looked like. Fortunately, this young girl was taken care of shortly after her arrival.

Hannah and I thought that was the climax of the evening, but at about 12:15am tensions heightened as a dark car zoomed into the ER driveway braking suddenly. A man and woman jumped out of the car and came running into the lobby. The woman was banging on the windows of the admittance area, and the man was shaking as he held some sort of covering over his bloody arm. Looking back at the entrance, I saw his trail of blood. He was losing a lot... fast. Our little lobby group's immediate thought was he was shot. The mom went into defense mode and took her injured daughter further back into the lobby (basically the section behind where Hannah and I were sitting) and her posse of friends quickly followed. The guy with their group began his own investigations. Just as quickly the security guards came out to check the commotion, and after the nurses saw his red, dripping arm, they opened the door and rushed him in. They didn't let the woman in, but a few minutes later when the doors opened again, Hannah and I saw some pools of blood in the hall.

We began trying to find out what happened. It turned out that he had been cut- not shot. However, as one security guard and nurse began to clean the entranceway, the other security guards and police began to patrol the parking lot and streets. The fear was that whoever started this fight would come to the hospital to finish it. Hannah and I began to plan our escape in case something were to happen. (It wasn't too detailed- we'd hit the floor trying to make some sort of cover with the chairs, but we were in the front of the lobby so we'd have to be quick.) The man with the posse we had recently met loudly said to his group (and over Hannah and I) that if he made this sign (his arms waving above his head with his fingers kind of in the shape of guns) we needed to hit the floor. After this announcement, he went back into the parking lot to join the watch.

Needless to say, Hannah and I were astonished that this was really happening, but then we remembered we were in an ER in a particular part of town on a Friday night after midnight. So it makes sense. And no one came in to finish the guy although we wondered if he was alive the next morning. So at 1:15am, our friend came out with a vague diagnosis and appointments for further tests. We didn't tell her our lobby adventure until the next day knowing that how she felt at the time would not allow her to appreciate it fully. When we did tell her, she was a bit jealous because she had been really bored alone where she laid.

Not my regular Friday night plan, but I am sure that is how it is at the hospital on a Friday night in KC.

Quiet Moments

Last Friday, my friend Melissa and I were heading to a concert. We were running (purposefully) late and still decided to stop at McDs for a small dinner. On our way out the drive-thru, I got a call from one of my pastors at church. I didn't respond fast enough, but when I listened to the voicemail, I had an immediate uneasy feeling. All she said was the she had some news for me and that I should call her back tonight. I knew what it was but held back tears until I knew for sure. I called her back, and she told me...

Luis passed away tonight.

The air went out of me, and I had no control of the tears that rolled down my face. Based on my reaction, Melissa immediately turned back towards home. My pastor didn't have much else to say since he'd been gone less than an hour, but she wanted me to hear it from her and not through the grapevine. I thanked her, and then we hung up. Melissa and I called others who might not get called, and then we sat in the driveway for an hour with little else said.

I was so angry and devastated. He'd been so sick for so long, but until a few weeks ago when they said "cancer," I assumed he'd get better. Stomach cancer claimed another loved one of mine. Death took a third loved one this last year. God welcomed all three. That I try to remember in my grief.

Luis was 33 years old- far too young. He was a wonderful man of God and loving teacher. He had a great laugh and bright smile. He is survived by his wife and four children- ages 15, 12, 5, and 3. Luis will be cremated but services are pending on the arrival of his mother and brother who live in Honduras. Please continue to pray for Luis' family and friends.

Melissa and I eventually went to the concert simply to have a bit of denial. It was a good show. We missed the first 2 bands, but the last two were good. The last one was Weezer, and they were awesome. It was a good show... a good escape... for a few hours.

Breaking Lent

For Lent this year, I gave up meat. No beef, no chicken. I did allow myself to have fish on Sundays as a sort of "feast day," but otherwise, it was me and the vegetables. The first two and a little more weeks weren't too bad. I found several delicious vegetarian recipes and was surviving quite well. (My favorite recipe is Curried Spinach and Lentil Bake- amazing!!!) However, this last week and a half have been torturous. Church's friend chicken would just hit the spot, and I seem to be finding all of the meat fragrance spots no matter the parking lot in which I happen to be.

Yet, I find encouragement in my struggle. I am sacrificing something I love in recognition of letting go. From Ash Wednesday to Easter, each meal time is a remembrance of someone greater who reached out in love and lived among us in order to give us true life in this time and the next. There are other aspects of Lent to recognize and reflect, but as I actively take part this season, I take the time to release my "self" and give glory and honor to God as I await the celebration of Christ's life, death, and resurrection. Slava na boga!!!

So, the reason I broke it today. I ate beef... (intentionally too.) However, it was in the greatest fellowship that I have experienced in so long with friends that I have not spent time with since before Thanksgiving. It may seem like I just caved, but I chose the importance of honoring another by accepting invitation and hospitality. You see, last fall I spent time with a few of the Latino families at my church. Our main connection was through Luis because he was the most comfortable talking with us in English, and he was our Spanish teacher. However, just before Thanksgiving last fall, Luis became very ill. In fact, he is still not recovered, and the doctors are still searching for answers and causes. For the past four months, we have not seen Luis and barely had any interaction with his family. While we continued to interact with other families at church, we kind of lost the "out of church" connection with the Latino congregation. It has been a sadness that I am just recently realizing. Well, today at church, Luis' wife invited a few of us over to celebrate a birthday of one of the other ladies at church. We jumped at the opportunity and had an amazing time eating, laughing, eating, talking, and then eating again. Lunch lasted a little over 5 hours, and if we didn't have homework (and actual work) to return to I have little doubt that we would have been there for dinner and close to "bed time" too. While the food was amazing, it was beyond-description-amazing to spend time with Luis and other friends talking about life and laughing with/at each other.

While I had a little extra on this "feast day," I am so rejuvenated and excited. I intend to finish Holy Week following my original Lent goals, but on this Palm Sunday, I celebrated. My soul (and belly) was filled with joy today. I thank God for these dear friends, for I feel so blessed in their presence.

On your mark...

Last week was extraordinarily intense. I had a one-week class that met the week before regular modules. It was Theology of Work, and I loved it. However, the timing of the class was unfortunate as it happened to fall on the same week as inventory at Macy's. Of course, I went to bed late the night before my crazy week began, but from Sunday to Wednesday I worked from 4 am to 10 or 11 am and then had class from 6 to 10 pm. Thursday was an all day class day (from 9 am to 9pm) that included field trips to different businesses. Friday was then work from 6am to 12pm and class 6 to 10pm. Saturday concluded it all with class from 9am to 5pm, and then instead of hitting the pillow early, I go out to see a movie with a friend which then means I got to be some time after 1am. (I absolutely loved Lovely Bones and all of its saddening glory, bytheway).

With the average of 6 hours of sleep each day (including my limited naptimes), I made it! Now, I have two weeks of no classes, and then I'll begin a new semester on February 1st. Fortunately, Macy's asked me to stay after the season, so I'll have a (small) paycheck still coming which is comforting. I have made some friends at work which makes the early mornings better.

As for the class I took last week, my eyes have been widened further of how to integrate our understanding and practices of ministry and work. They aren't separate worlds people! As crazy as it sounds (and I know it sounds crazy), but money isn't actually the point in some businesses; it's about finding joy in one's job and benefiting others while working. Thursdays field trips allowed me to meet some of the people implementing such practices. Of course, all of these people are successful, but each placed money as a secondary. The big-guns of it all was meeting Bill Dunn from J E Dunn Construction. If you don't know the name, just know he is an 86 years old, multibillionaire and the sweetest old man. He told us about his company and the people, but he never got into statistics or money. And then he showed us a view from one of the higher levels in his building and concluded the tour by showing us the workout room and the play room which included several arcades and a small basketball court. With all of the money and success he has, he is so down-to-earth!

So with a taste of craziness, I rest as much as I can before the semester begins. I have some post-work from last week's class that I hope with all of my senses to get as much done as I can before the semester begins. Unfortunately, I already find myself scraping for motivation. Eeek. Here I go, I guess. :)